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It's okay not to be okay




I acknowledge the fact that I am responsible for how I feel.
But nonetheless that doesn't mean that I am in an amazingly positive mood 24/7.

AND THAT'S OKAY.

  
Our emotions are raw (and obvious) indicators for whether or not things in our lives are going the way we want. If I am happy, I’m obviously living in a way or focusing on aspects of my life or life in general on this planet that makes me so. If I’m sad or angry, there’s something I am doing (or not doing), something that is happening in the world or something I am focusing on, which is making me feel sad/angry etc.

By listening to and being aware of my true emotions, as opposed to brushing it off and pretending to be happy, I can actually do something about it, change the way I’m doing something or change the way I’m perceiving it to take myself to a more positive place with regards to that part of my life. Or in the case of international goings on, these emotions can give me the motivation, the fire, to do something about it.

I can use this emotion or the experience which brought me that feeling in the first place, to determine something I don’t want to do again, something I need or want to change or something deeper that needs releasing or healing (e.g psychological/emotional scars).

This all may sound obvious, but there was once a time where I didn't realise this. I had renounced all and any negative emotions, repressing any that naturally and understandably (though not to me at the time) came along. I saw them as pointless because crying over something wouldn't change the situation. I didn't at the time value the perspective (and the relief) that shadow emotions can give you, for example, sometimes you might not know why you're feeling a certain way or reacting so sensitively to something... I remember being in the kitchen, typical teenage daughter arguing over something silly with my mum, and I said something that wasn't a reflection of what I genuinely thought or felt and it confused me, I didn't know why I said it or why it came out so naturally.
I went upstairs and sat infront of the mirror and asked myself, 'why?', and started, for the first time, to look within.
Letting myself feel the emotion with honesty in these situations has helped me determine a root cause, a subconscious thought pattern, belief or learned behavioural habit that doesn't serve me i.e. that dampens my quality of life. It was how I realised I had internalised oppression!

So, give yourself some time to relax, put some music on and breathe it all out, or invest in a punching bag, down-dog it on your yoga mat, blast your favourite head-bangers, binge watch some sitcoms, talk it all out of you or brainstorm a plan for revolution!
The only way to release the tension, to let the feeling go, to change it, is to actually take time to let yourself feel it!
Of course, shitty feelings are a natural part of life and to accept and embrace every part of yourself includes such shadow emotions. But you can learn to let it empower you. Because it is through embracing these parts of yourself that you can learn complete self-love, deeper empathy and the courage to live authentically.







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