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Things That Have Changed My Life



I've been thinking about this a lot this year. We're all changing all the time. I'm not the same person as I was a week ago let alone a year ago. I'm sure that's the same for you. I mean, we're constantly having new experiences, learning new things, and all those things, they could be little things like visiting a new shop, or meeting someone who becomes your best friend, all of them add up and subtly change you. And it's not until we look back do we see just how much.



Recently, I met up with an old friend, someone I knew (properly) about 4 years ago. A lot has happened and I've changed a lot since then. I always felt apprehensive about meeting her though because I heard (I can't even remember from where) about how when people meet up with someone they haven't seen for a long time, they naturally 'revert' to who they were when they knew them. The relationship we had back then was not what I wanted now, because that involved a self-disliking version of myself.
So basically, I was scared I'd revert to that person I was 4 years ago. It sounds silly now. But that's how I felt. That was in May. I didn't know what to do with that so I went a little off the radar about it.

Just in the space of those following two months, June and July, a LOT of things happened. And I was now confident enough in myself to know I wouldn't 'revert' if I met up with her, the idea of 'reverting' sounded hilariously silly now. We caught up, things were great, really great, and talking about all the things that have happened over the past 4 years made me realise just how many 'pivotal' moments there have been in my life. Decisions I've made or things that I've experienced that have really changed me. At the time I may have been wary, questioning my decision or unsure why things were happening the way they were, but hindsight can be so awesome, because you can see the whys and the hows that you didn't know, nor did you need to know, at the time you were experiencing those things.

I wanted to list those 'pivotal' moments here, as a way to remind myself, and to show you, that if you're in a place you don't understand, you've got a decision to make or you're maybe feeling a little lost, everything happens for a reason, things will always work out and though you may not be able to see the reason at the moment, one day, it'll all be clear. All of it was necessary to get you to where you are today. You will be able to look back, along your timeline, along the story you've just lived out and everything will all make sense, and you will be the happiest you've ever been.



Moving house. I moved house when I was nine. Not a major move, barely a 20 minute walk away. But so much more than I first realised. The first weekend my brother and I made friends with some other kids a couple doors down. I think a small part of me did know though, that we would be friends for a long time. What I didn't know, was weekends and school breaks with them would serve as a much needed escape. Pressure on kids seems to increase with each generation, they afforded me a break from all of that. It would also provide me with soo many hilarious memories.





My First Phone. I was 11 years old I think, and it was a flip phone with a model name no one seems to know when I tell them. My love for capturing moments stems from there. Whether it be in a memo, a video or, of course, a photo. This is when I first fell in love with photography. It was just something I enjoyed doing in my spare time, even though I would always struggle to answer the question, 'what are your hobbies?'. It made me appreciate where I was when I was capturing the moment. Whatever the moment may be. For example, one of my mum's favourite photos I've taken is one of a sandwich. Whereas one of my favourites is of a blossom-covered tree, bright against a cloudy sky. I can remember where I'd just come from, and the the exact feeling that made me want to take the photo. It taught me that you will never be in exactly the same place ever again, and to me, photography emphasises the beauty in that.


Changing High Schools. After my second year in my first high school, I decided I wanted to change to another high school my brother had 'found' in a small town next to ours. At first I thought it was the worst decision I'd ever made (- such a dramatic teenager!). I started to lose myself in my second year there, I changed myself for others, only saw myself through the eyes of others, so many things just felt wrong, I often felt I didn't know what my own opinion was anymore. But sometimes we need to lose ourselves, in order to be found...exactly what started to happen during the third year. Through questioning myself as to why I thought this or did that, I found I had become emotionally distanced to myself, I had a lot of emotional baggage I had neglected, which I got over in that school; I made peace with everything I needed to make peace with simply by talking to myself or talking to the moon to get my thoughts clearer, slowly unpacking emotional baggage to heal and to get to a place where I could finally move forward with renewed emotional strength and self-confidence. That, and I also met a couple v. amazing people whom I hope to keep in my life for a very long time (whether they like it or not ;)).



Choosing Happiness. How do you think I found myself? I chose happiness. Little things were getting to me way more than they should have and I always knew there was more to it, but being emotionally distant to myself meant I had no idea what. I didn't like that. I didn't want that. I wanted to understand. I wanted to feel the genuine happiness I felt with my friends all the time. I could be myself with them, but why did I feel I couldn't with other people or on my own? So I worked through everything, got to know myself on an emotional level. After school, if something was off, I sat on my bedroom floor talking to my reflection and analysing the day to find what exactly caused it, what in turn would make me happy and how to make that happen. Most importantly though, I changed my perspective. I actively tried to see the positive side to everything instead of just the negative that I'd been focusing on, until the positive became the first thing I saw. Happiness is a choice.






A BBQ in Summer 2012. We hosted quite a few barbecues that year, but one in particular most certainly stood out. My aunt - my mum's cousin, introduced my mum and I to the Law of Attraction - just when I really needed it (how convenient ;)). It resonated so well with me. The jumble of thoughts going on from the previous year all started to make sense. All of it tied into a neat little bow. It helped me see more clearly how 'everything happens for a reason', i.e. what exactly all my experiences had taught me/why I needed to experience them.



Moving to another Sixth Form/College instead of staying on at that second high school. Despite the fact I grew so much and learnt so much about myself and life and everything in that high school, I felt I had now gotten what I came for and it was time to leave. So even though that high school had a college too, I decided to go to a college in my home town, with all the people from my first high school (as well as almost everyone in this town, I swear I can't go anywhere without recognising someone!). There, I really started to mold myself, that's a strange way to say it...but yeah, build my confidence and explore who I wanted to be, without people who expected me to be this way or that.



Youtube. By 2013, Youtube had really blown up, so many people were watching it, so many new creators, and bigger meetups were happening. It was Easter break and I had spent the first few days binge watching videos. As you do. Then one in particular got to me. Up until then, I had planned to study astrophysics at university. I already wasn't really enjoying my physics class (not great if your plan is astrophysics) but I never let myself fully admit that because I had no idea what else to do! Watching a certain video I saw all that my life could be. These people were my age, and through doing what they love, had created this amazing life for themselves. When I thought of myself as an astrophysicist, I finally admitted the life it would give me wasn't what I wanted. It just wasn't me. Having my eyes opened to the possibility of creating a life that suited me as opposed to following the usual pathways (which I felt didn't) meant this admission eventually excited me rather than scared me.



My 17th. I don't mind about cards or gifts, all I care about is being wished Happy Birthday (on my birthday, of course ;)). However, that year, all but two of my friends forgot. Even though I didn't show it (typical Taurus), it actually upset me quite a lot - looking back it's quite suprising just how much. And that was because of just how much I still let the actions of others affect my mood. So I actually really needed that to happen to realise that I was and am responsible for my own happiness. Because I can't control the actions of others, only my reaction to it. It also showed me my lack of inner peace. Something I could now start working on!






My 18th. I had decided in December (2013) that for my 18th birthday, I wanted to spend the day in France by myself. I hadn't been to France before, had no idea where I would go, if I'd have enough money or if my parents would let me, but that's what I had decided. It actually ended up that I went on a language exchange with my school the previous month to the place I would spend the day in - which helped a lot, at least I'd know my way around a little bit. Also, my friend told me she was coming too, so she did; which I feel was actually better than going alone would have been. It's on this list because I had decided what I wanted, and made it happen. It may not seem like much, but at the time I thought it up, it was a big deal, I had never done anything like this before! Could I really spend the day in France for my birthday? Yes I could. Truly seeing and feeling how much I could rely on myself made my self confidence go UP,  - especially when I realised I could now tick something off my bucket list!



Au Pairing. I had decided at the beginning of the year (2014), that I wanted to start off my 'gap year' (I didn't really have any intention of going to university afterwards), working in France. I found out about au pairing mid-August, then left on September 1st for France. I knew it was a huge step but I didn't realise I'd learn as much as I did. It was such an amazing experience! And not only did it again help me figure out the kind of life I wanted to live and boost my self-confidence but also it taught me even more about myself.



Practicing Yoga Regularly. Wow. I knew yoga had many benefits but you really don't know until you start practicing it regularly. For me, attending a proper class definitely helped as I got a real feel for how to practice properly and safely. It helped calm me when necessary, centre me and make me more aware of life. It definitely also slowed my over-thinking mind during the first few weeks of au pairing and always left me feeling floaty and amazingly refreshed. It's helped me to bring harmony to my mind, body and soul, yay for inner peace! I've continued practice ever since, with the help of Youtube videos and books as opposed to actual classes. It's gotten to the point where I can tell more of a difference when I don't practice for a few days because the feeling practice gives me, has become my normal way of feeling. And that's a pretty amazing feeling!






Starting My Blog. I officially launched Purely in March earlier this year. There was more to it than that though - I'd worked on it for over five months, this was huge, it's my baby! It has really helped me continue my 'gap year' exploring my hobbies and interests as well as my thoughts and feelings. Sharing yourself in any way involves a certain amount of vulnerability so this blog has been awesome in making me feel more comfortable about opening up.



The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life. A book I started reading at the beginning of last month. "...illuminating the mysteries of how we came to be, why the world is the way it is and the subtle energies that allow our awareness to blossom into its true beauty."
You know those people who say they are spiritually awakened? Yeah, I feel that.



Meeting Up With That Old Friend Recently. I had known some the above for a couple years now and was grateful for all of it, plus, like I said, was now confident enough in myself, and who I am, to meet up with her. Being completely honest for the first time ever - because the person I am now has nothing to hide, nothing to feel ashamed for and completely loves everything that has led me to now - was so freeing!
I suppose that's what I'm doing writing this too. Being completely honest. Setting myself free...




"Accept with gratitude everything that has happened in your past - and let it go. Everything - the good and the bad - has led you to where you are now at this very moment."

- Dawn McCoy












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5 comments:

  1. What an interesting idea, I never thought of that, how we might revert to our former selves when we get a blast from the past... Catching up with people from your past also helps highlight these “pivotal” moments, I think, because after all, when you’re catching up, you basically want to tell them your greatest hits, so your brain sort of sums it all up for you. Clever brain! I know what you mean, we are constantly evolving and changing, and I’m definitely not the same person I was a month, six months, or a year ago. It’s a bit scary to think about, haha! And ABSOLUTELY, how we think plays a major part in what happens, and I think everything happens for a reason, too. It’s scary how alike our thinking is, Vanisha!! It’s so cool how you’ve captured the good in all these events, especially choosing happiness, and starting your own blog (my blog is my baby, too!), even people forgetting your birthday! Oooh, I need to check out that book, The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life, sounds like my kinda thing. I really want to go to France, too! You have such an interesting story :) x

    ♥.•*¨ Amanda Says ¨*•.♥

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    1. It's just something I heard once, and it kind of made sense at the time because that's the only way you know how to interact with them I guess, but I suppose it's only a bad ting if the relationship you had wouldn't work with who you are now. Yes it is! And when you're actually going through everything you don't even realise that this moment could make it into those greatest hits! It is a little scary but In all honesty I think I'd be more worried that in the space of a year, there was nothing significant enough to change me! Haha it is! Maybe that's how I found your blog? Aww, thank you Amanda, the beauty of hindsight! Ooh yes, check it out! What I love most about it, is that he states from the start that he isn't telling you what to believe, that it's up to you to decide which bits you accept, whatever resonates with you, and if it's not resonating at all, then read it like a fantasy novel. At first, I could only read about 5 pages at a time, it was hard to read because the ideas are so different from those widely accepted. It definitely opens your eyes to new possibilities. For me, the majority of it resonates really well, and answers so many questions I've had! :) X

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  2. Wow! I'm speechless, Vanisha!
    Reading your post makes me think of "everything happens for a reson" even more! You pushed bounderies, outgrew yourself and moved forward. That's very inspiring! I've moved to another country with my parents when I was 9 and struggled a lot. But now I'm more than happy that I've made this experience which actually has even made me stronger and self confident. Also I'm very happy to have friends and family in my life which make me to that person I am now! Wonderful post, my dear! Happy Hump Day, Vanisha! <3 <3

    xoxo Ira
    JOURNAL OF STYLE / BLOGLOVIN

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    1. Aww thank you so much Ira! <3 Yes! That's so great, It's funny - and amazing how things always work out for the best, always. Even if you don't realise it at the time, it's always SO worth it in the end! Happy Hump Daaay :)Xx

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    2. It's my pleasure, dear Vanisha! That's so true!!! <3

      xoxo Ira

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