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The So Called 'Gap Year'

So, earlier this month, well last month now, in the shower, it suddenly dawned on me that I'm coming to the end of my gap year! I was just thinking about how many times family and friends have asked me 'what I'm doing', and now, instead of getting annoyed (mostly at myself for having no good answer), I find it a funny question. I no longer see the reason why we need to be 'doing' something. Other than living. I mean, we are Human beings, not Human doings!
Anyway, the way I was being asked was as if it was weird for me not to and it made me question myself. I was doing stuff, I started my blog, I was taking time to explore who I was and who I wanted to be, I was growing as an individual and finding once again what I wanted in life and what 'life' actually meant to me. I was taking time to think and grow and just, be. But that's too long an answer. So, back to in the shower - which seems to be the best place for such thoughts - I asked the question in my head to myself, 'What are you doing then?' and I replied, 'er, gap year?!' and I laughed because it seemed the simplest of all answers and I hadn't thought of it before. It was too late now though, because I realised, my gap year was coming to an end...




A 'gap year' is a year long break, free from responsibilities, if you like, i.e. from education, from work, from 'doing', to just be. To explore the world and to explore yourself. It's the year people use to 'find themselves'. And it's usually taken before going or just after finishing university.

It's extremely popular to spend this time traveling, but really you can do whatever the f you want. 




I knew I was going to take a gap year when I realised back in 2013, that university wasn't for me. It wasn't till January 2014 when I started to look into how I could spend my year. I knew I wanted to travel, to find myself and to feel free. I wanted this year to set me up for the rest of my life - to prepare me for anything and to teach me a hell of a lot; about myself, about my life and what I wanted as well as about life in general and the universe. The year would help me become the person I've always wanted to be, even though at the time, I didn't know exactly who that was.


 

I decided to start the gap year working in France, so September 1st 2014, I got a flight to the South of France, to work as an au pair for the next four months. I learned so much there, I started practicing yoga regularly, met great people, It really felt like my second home. And I got to explore loads too! It was an amazing experience and even with all the ups and downs, I wouldn't change one bit.

On the way back home, after paying an annoying amount of my monetary earnings to get my hand luggage checked in because it was suddenly too big, I felt so free and pretty proud of myself. I was radiating positivity. It was about five days until my parents were to go on holiday, leaving my brother and I alone for three weeks. I was enjoying my new sense of freedom with lots of trips to London and, well anywhere I felt really, getting into the Christmas spirit as well as working on my blog in the evenings. By the end of January though, I started to feel a bit of post-holiday blues I guess. I felt so incredible when I first got back, but now, what was I doing? I hadn't found myself like I thought I did because the feeling was gone. My confidence wasn't the same, all the things that were clear to me back in France, no longer seemed to apply here. It was as if by coming home I had automatically started to turn into who I was before I left.


 

But the feeling of 'freedom', is all in your mind. You create the feeling yourself, by how you look at things, how you spend your time and with your beliefs. So I got over it, started to consciously apply things I'd learnt in France, carried on learning through my little projects and 'stay-cationing' whenever possible. I officially launched Purely in March and that was a great motivator to become all I wanted to be.

The reason my blog is called 'Purely', is because it represents living in a 'pure' way, in the sense of living as your truest, most natural and pure self. My name, Vanisha, also means 'pure', so there's a personal link with that. And the little 'V' shape under the 'r', represents a bird, like the way my Dad showed me how to draw them and I was so happy because I could finally draw birds! - And to me that bird represents freedom.
I didn't realise at the time, but I think starting my blog was the moment I started to travel within, when I really started to find myself.

If you read my post about my nineteenth birthday, you'll know what a significant age that was for me. I felt that, for the first time in a long time, I was the age I was supposed to be - because my beliefs and what I was doing matched the expectations people have of someone of that age. I carried on enjoying my freedom, trying my best to ignore those 'what you doing with yo life?!' questions, working on my little projects and working on me.

So we come neatly to the end of June, when the universe led me to a particular book, (The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life), which in turn led me to awaken in a huge way to my spiritually and so once again, I found myself. Or at least, another major part of myself. It answered questions that were always brushed off with 'that's just how it is' by everyone else and it resonated so well with me.
Things make sense now.

So by this point, I'd pretty much ticked off everything I wanted to achieve except for becoming the person I've always wanted to be. Which started then.

Each day I reminded myself of my beliefs until I didn't need to anymore. I dressed how I felt - major help, it's like wearing your heart on your sleeve in a more literal sense and really boosts your confidence. I cleared out my room, got rid of (a lot) of unnecessary stuff that was kept for sentimentality's sake but now was just annoying to have it there. I became more mindful in what I was doing and I practiced what I preached until I didn't need to preach anymore.
  Now, I feel that I am. I feel I'm the person I've always wanted to be, and I'm starting to live the life I've always wanted to live. I'm still learning, we all are, every single day, but I'm doing so, whilst being the current truest version of me.




The funny thing is, I never had any intention of going to university when I started my gap year, which is why I always referred to it with the quotation marks. Now though, university still isn't for me, but I've realised just how much I love astronomy, its always been a part of me (literally haha), and I still want to study it. So I've found an alternative distance-learning online access course which I'll be starting next month!
I laughed, pretty hard, when I realised because I realised just how stubborn I has been!
I've also got lots of little projects I'm working on and some travel plans, all fitting in very well to the kind of life I want to live. We are the creators of our own reality and I want to live in a reality where I do what I love, simply because I love doing it.
A life where I am constantly learning more about life through experience and adventure.
 Living as your most natural, purest self, brings you a sense of freedom. I want to feel that freedom, everyday for the rest of my life. 
Starting yesterday.



"The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it."







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3 comments:

  1. Dear Vanisha! I'm so proud of you in every way. You made such a progress through this gap year and I'm glad you've find yourself and the way you wanna go. It's not self-evident at that age, I tell you. :) So well done!! Btw, I also get an enlightenment often in the shower of after sleeping. Lots of luck with the online course, sweetheart! Hugs!

    xoxo Ira
    JOURNAL OF STYLE / BLOGLOVIN

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    1. Aww thank you so much, Ira! ❤️❤️ What is it with showers?! Haha ,have a great week, my lovely Xx

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  2. Of course, Vanisha! <3 <3 Haha, yeah! Guess it's the water which is falling on us... just kidding LOL Thank you for your replies, sweetie!

    xoxo

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