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October's Link| Holding Space For My Shadow Self


What's with all the links all of a sudden?!
I particularly like this one though, it resonates so deeply with me.
Last month was a slam poem.

          This month is an article| Holding Space For My Shadow Self


I've always been a pretty private person when it comes to my shadow self, the self that feels all the deep negative emotions we are often ashamed, even scared of feeling.
I was recently wondering why I was so private about it, why the idea of being comforted actually made me feel uncomfortable and why the words 'Shh, it's okay' almost made me cringe. 

For the majority of my life, I suppressed my emotions because they hurt too much and I didn't know how to deal with them. Pretending everything was okay was easier. I also lived with the emotions=weakness premise. But in the past few years I've actually learned that it's the exploration of these emotional depths that allows us to grow stronger. It helps you accept every part of yourself, and in a world like this, that's what makes you strong.

After reading this article, I realised that it's not that I still have a problem with getting vulnerable, it's the comforting I dislike. The shushing, the 'it's okay', makes me feel like feeling that way is silly or pointless, the exact reasons I suppressed my emotions when I was younger.

Negative feelings are just as valid as positive ones.
We wouldn't know happiness if we didn't know sadness.
And so when I feel various negative moods, I want to be able to feel them.
I want to mope around the house, I want to slam doors, scream into a pillow, cry on the floor, binge watch tv, eat lots of cake without feeling guilty for feeling something that is natural to feel.

I let my shadow self come out yesterday. I haven't done it so fully like that in a long time. There was a lot of shame, guilt, worry and frustration I didn't want to admit to myself that I was feeling.
I didn't tell myself, don't be silly or shush myself with a solution, I accepted them and just let myself feel for a bit. Let my shadow self take the floor for a bit until all that needed to be expressed was expressed and released.
Then, once I was sure there was nothing else, I rose back up and continued on on a slightly stronger foundation.














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