Spiritual Hiatus

I seem to have found myself on a spiritual hiatus.
This is apparently common for people to go through, maybe because they need to focus on the non-spiritual work in their life for a bit, maybe because they need to learn a lesson.

Basically, sometime last week I woke up and felt completely disconnected to the universe.
Ironically, I wouldn't have been able to describe to you what feeling 'connected' feels like before now...
I was already starting to question the need for spirituality considering so many people live fulfilling lives seemingly without those beliefs, as can a lot of people practice yoga or meditate without so too. On a personal level, is the fact that spirituality is not at the top of my priorities list a result of my life going so well at the moment or because of my life going so well at the moment? I.e. is it because my focus needs to be on other things, or is it because at the moment I don't need spirituality?

When it comes to why spirituality first appealed to me, the first thing that comes to mind, which is also something I talk about a lot, was that spirituality or things that you'd call 'spiritual' simply resonated deeply with me. It just made sense, felt right. Like when I first learned about the law of attraction, it made sense to me. It helped me change my perspective by being more mindful of my thoughts and really improved my quality of life. But it wasn't until I started yoga, two years later, that I felt connected to something else. I deduced that that 'something else' was my soul (despite not having any standing previous beliefs about the existence of souls). After that, my so-called gap year meant a lot of time in nature, being creative and practising trusting my intuition when being spontaneous. This eventually lead me to a book called 'The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life' which played a big part in my feeling spiritually connected. Aside from that the energy I felt when working with crystals, using binaural beats or when listening to others talk about spirituality, was too strong to ignore. It all made me feel so full of love and passionate about life - and like my only life's mission was to spread that love and compassion to all those around me.

However, sometimes when reality gets tough, spirituality can turn into an escape. Possibly a healthier escape in some senses, possibly unhealthier in others, than, say, binge watching Netflix, scrolling deep on Insta, or getting drunk, but an escape nonetheless.
*Cue Lorde's Perfect Places*
There is a difference, and I know that now thanks to this disconnection, between connecting through escape, and connecting through genuine spiritual practise. This is what I started to do last year, connect through escape (2016 was a pretty bad year for all of us, wasn't it?), but at the time, I wasn't aware that that was what I was doing. I wasn't aware that sometimes the line was crossed and instead of using spiritual practises to tune in, I was simply tuning out the noise. I was called out on this a few days ago because unfortunately some of last year's tuning out went a bit too far and resulted in some very shitty collateral damage (-fyi, karma is real, very efficient and very thorough - though I didn't realise that what happened was karma until now). It's a slap in the face of a realisation that I had distorted something so beautiful to reflect the opposite and hurt someone I care about in the process, but sometimes a slap in the face of a realisation is exactly what's needed. I've written before about how when I was younger I didn't really acknowledge negative emotions, but I always thought of it as something I did way back when, I didn't realise that this old habit hadn't completely been kicked.

In hindsight I can see that as the year went on, I was connecting genuinely through spirituality again, but nonetheless there were - and are still - times where other means of escape start to turn into an avoidance that hinders more than helps. That's the type of escapism I want to stop, or at least make a conscious effort to notice when a means of escape is becoming unhealthy, because of course I don't want any aforementioned collateral damage to happen again, but also because it's not a reflection of what I believe in... it just doesn't feel right.

I decided to write about this on here because I was still sharing advice etc publicly when I was in denial about escaping rather than connecting. As a way to help remove this habit I've gone through everything I've shared on both here and various other social medias, and removed anything that hypocritically didn't come from a pure and genuine place.
I think this is actually why spirituality had this year stopped appealing to me as much - because my view of spirituality had gotten so distorted... spirituality is not necessarily what you do it's how you do it. A set of values reflected in your everyday actions. It has helped me heal, connect deeply with others and brought me inner peace. But the thing with spirituality and possibly the most beautiful thing about it, is that although it teaches oneness, everyone's interpretations and experiences are different!

Just like an artist takes a step back every so often to look at their piece as a whole, sometimes it's useful to take a step back and look at your life as a whole, whether to learn from your mistakes or to appreciate how far you've come, it can give you an insight into yourself and that insight can really help you grow.


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